He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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