You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
