My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would fuck him just for his dog
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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