we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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