woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
