even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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