There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
