went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
