420 ftw
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
