I will die if light touches me.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
