Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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