margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The best revenge is premature balding
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
