If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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