don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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