Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
