Do you still have your period?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
