Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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