i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
