Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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