you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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