A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
