I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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