He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
