its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
