its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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