It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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