speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You made out with two different species that night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
