mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
