I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize