Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
