there's paper in my vomit.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
