I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize