it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
