wat bout pragnant strippers??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
