Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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