So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
