i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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