she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
