We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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