I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
