i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
