u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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