I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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