I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
