Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
