I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
