$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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