i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
