I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
