HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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