our cab driver is having phone sex.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
