haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize