you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
