Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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