If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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