can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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