My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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