I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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