yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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