is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
