lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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