take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
