I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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