Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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