im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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