Please, let me fuck your mom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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