"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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