i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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