god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
