Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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