guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
