I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
