It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
