Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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