she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
