This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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