I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
