Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
