Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize