She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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