The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
