Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
