Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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