its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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