chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I AM VODKA MAN
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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