last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize