Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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